Healthy intimacy
The six dimensions of intimacy:
- Physical intimacy - the touch, the feelings induced by body contact. Prioritize sexual intimacy, learn your partner's desires and fantasies, and go on a journey to explore them together. Do it often, be spontaneous. And also schedule special times for fantasies and kinks. Plan together and look forward to that day. It is also the brief and frequent physical contact throughout the day, a hand on a shoulder, a quick kiss, a pinch on the butt, etc.
- Emotional intimacy - Communication with a big 'C'. Building mutual trust to be able to open up and share thoughts and feelings. Clear and candid communication is most important to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations when you share your innermost thoughts. Emotional intimacy is important because it is durable and long-lasting, especially for the times you are alone.
- Intellectual intimacy - the mental dimension of emotional intimacy. Learning each other's interests and ideas to connect on common grounds. Sharing books or blogs to discuss together. Engaging in long discussions on subjects of common interest.
- Creative intimacy - creative passions! Be it in art, crafts, sports, and absolutely, sex! Kinks and fantasies trigger the most intense creative intimacy, together with emotional and physical intimacy.
- Experiential intimacy - things you do together! Climbing a mountain or simply taking a long walk brings you closer to share the satisfaction of the achievement, big or small.
- Spiritual intimacy - sharing of ideals of a higher level, beliefs, and values. Positive affirmation of each other's spirits. It is important to underline that it is about one's own spiritual values, independent of beliefs imposed by culture, religion, or powerful figures (family, teachers, etc.).
The subconscious triggers
Now that you have discovered intellectual affinity and compatibility with that person, you have unlocked intellectual intimacy, you feel a little closer to that person, more receptive to potentially discovering affinity and mutual interests in the other dimensions. Maybe creative, or spiritual. With now two or three dimensions of intimacy with that person, you subconsciously find that person more physically attractive than when you first met, maybe a lot more! Mutual awareness of behavior and expressions builds up all the dimensions of intimacy over time.
These dimensions define the type and closeness of a relationship which may range from tennis buddy to lifetime partner. Obviously the more inclusive a relationship becomes, the more dimensions need to be matching to make it all work.
Here is a fun way to check if you have more than one dimension of intimacy with someone: Think of each dimension of intimacy you feel about that person, and rate it 0 to 10. Obviously the one dimension you are already aware of will be the highest. What are the second and third highests? Next time you see this person face to face, not online, think of those runner-up dimensions. If appropriate in the context of the relationship you have with them, start a conversation that links to these dimensions and see where it goes.
This is also useful to do when you come across someone that you are attracted to without knowing why. It is easy when it is physical attraction, but when that is neutral, not even a consideration, but there is attraction, you just know you feel an attraction without knowing why. In your mind, go through the same list, and rate each dimension. This may help you understand your attraction ... or it may not!
The myth of physical intimacy
The myth being that there must be a lot more than physical attraction to have physical intimacy, Some beliefs even ban physical intimacy before an engagement contract has been executed. Physical intimacy can be a difficult subject for people who are deeply affected by cultural or religious beliefs. To better understand without emotional bias, can we have intimacy in only one dimension without any in the others? Of course, and that happens all the time. We may have tennis or jogging partners who match perfectly with our own exercise range, experiential intimacy, yet do not have any affinity in the other dimensions. Same for intellectual or creative intimacy where we may have a special connection with someone who shares the same intellectual or creative interests, yet, we have no other connection with them. There can very well be physical intimacy with no other connection ... like an intimate friend. Sadly, often socially mocked and disparaged for no other reason than cultural beliefs.
It's awesome when you have affinities with someone in more than one dimension, but you can have a healthy intimacy in one dimension alone.
Get creative!
Creative, playful, even boundary-pushing ideas to make electrifying intimacy. Get silly, have fun, but always, ALWAYS mutual consent first.- Blindfold your partner and lightly brush their skin with different textures, a feather, ice, a fork, wool, etc. Start at the hands or feet and slowly move along the body until ... depending on mood and intent.
- Cosplay: Dress up in costumes to roleplay your favorite anim, or mythical figure. Through roleplay, it is easier to explore secret fantasies together.
- Fishbowl: Place a fishbowl in the bedroom, with a pen, a blue paper notepad, and a pink paper notepad ... or whatever color you like. Whenever you or your partner has a desire, a fantasy, or a kinky idea, secretly write it down on your color notepad, carefully fold the paper several times, and drop it in the fishbowl. After a few days, there should be many folded notes in the fishbowl as you are both full of ideas. When it is relax time, one of you goes fishing for a paper of the other color, and reads it out ... will you dare do what your partner wrote?
